Blaugust 21: Ode to a fella (baby daddy edition)

Welcome back to Ode to a Fella! We left off yesterday after talking about the traits of fellas with long hair, strong nose, and big boobs. Let's get into the Baby Daddy part of the fellas! The fellas being a specific type of cartoon fella that includes John Redcorn, Nathan Explosion, Brock Samson, and Wolverine.

I spent last night watching some older episodes of KOTH with my good friend Shane, specifically the Big Mountain Fudgecake episode. As a result, I drew some band yaoi of John Redcorn and Dale Gribble. They're in a band together, how could I not? And John puts on some leather pants and unbuttons his silk shirt for their debut in the episode :)

The fact that these characters are dads in some sort of way is very important to their moe appeal!

Being a baby daddy means:

• They're a dad. That means they know what (whispers) sexo is. They're not just naive little babies… they're experienced in some way!
• They're older and quite possibly middle-aged. Moe/cuteness is traditionally viewed as something restricted to the youth. But there's something even MORE moe in the age gap of what is expected!
• They have to interact with kids and moms, and that makes ovaries churn. Girls and MILFs LOVE to see guys treat women and kids right, cuz they want to know if that baby daddy's gonna be a GOOD dad.

In John Redcorn's case, there's even more charm to the fact that he's a baby daddy that can't actually be the daddy! He's the biological father of Joseph Gribble, but he can't tell Joseph or Dale lest he destroy the Gribble family AND the John/Dale friendship. The angst is WONDERFULLY edible, especially in the comedic atmosphere of KOTH. Having to watch your mistakes from afar, looking like a creepy weirdo when you're just trying to talk to your kid, no wonder the channers think that Dale is intentionally tormenting John by raising his kid!

“Why would Joseph hate you? He barely knows you.”

But damn does that John Redcorn keep trying to be a dad even though he knows he already failed the first “don't impregnate your neighbor's wife” part of being a good dad. Dale says that John was the one who taught Joseph how to tie his shoes, and ride a bike! John tries to teach Joseph about their Native American culture (Anasazi according to the episode where Dale helps John petition the US govt for land back, though there are inaccuracies IRL in regards to location and era). And, well, we get a little bit of baby daddy time in S14 (the most recent season) when Joseph learns to love horsies and will probably visit the horses at his John's place.

Another aspect of the baby daddy thing IRT John, is that he's a lady's man in more than the obvious ways. I've seen a couple people comment that his job is probably more of a gigolo sex worker than a masseuse, especially with the way he words having to massage to make ends meet.

“You know, you start doing massage to pay the bills and you tell yourself, “Just a few more years of this, Johnny.”

Does he actually want to have sex constantly with the married women of Arlen? It seems in some episodes he really does want to just settle down and have a more stable life, especially being disappointed when Nancy wants to stop having an affair with him, or taking in Charlene and her kid (another John Redcorn baby).

In the case of Nancy/John case, she's definitely the breadwinner of her relationships. Her husband Dale only pays for the cable bill with his faltering dead-bug business, and Nancy gives him allowance to play around in his basement all day. It's probably the case that Nancy ALSO pays John Redcorn for his massage services and companionship. John's songs in Big Mountain Fudgecake are a self-described “money medley” about how little money he has, and he lives by himself in a small trailer. He may be emotionally attached to Nancy, but he's also likely financially dependent.

The case of Charlene/John is interesting because the mother and daughter are never mentioned again after the episode concludes. It still displays that John is willing to restart old flings, even temporrarily, and doesn't treat all of his relationships as one-night-stands. S14 brings John Redcorn and Nancy together again in the TV studio, but we don't see much of what that may mean for the affair. Especially because continuously in previous episodes, both Nancy and John say they don't want to restart the affair for the sake of Dale AND Joseph.

Another interesting thing about the “having to be good with kids” part of the baby daddy equation, is that John eventually finds a career as a kid's entertainer/musician. He doesn't intend to do that, but he just ends up rewriting his songs about being poor and suicidal into washing your hands and moms and kids like that. Interesting how that 3rd-party dad life chose him as well… no direct kids of his own!

Whew, that's a lot of words about John Redcorn! Hey, I have a lot to tism about cuz I just watched KOTH episodes. Let me get some words in about the other fellas.

Nathan does not have kids to my knowledge, but he very well could have spread his seed amongst the groupies of the world. Lots of real cases of rock dudes spraying and forgetting that they should take responsibility. He's the only one in the band that seems to be able to hold stable relationships - indeed, there are at least 4 episodes where the plot centers on his need for a romantic relationship (the blonde one that falls down the stairs, Trindle being yandere, and him thinking he's in a relationship with Abigail).

With a lot of rock guys, marriage is the excuse they need to have legit kids, and then neglect their wife and kids to cheat on a younger girl… Wonder how that would turn out for Nathan? He is the ONLY one of the band that even thinks about a stable relationship, and the ONLY one in the band that has a good relationship with his own father/family. Does he feel his own ovaries churning? Does he want to settle down and have kids?

We'll never know cuz Adult Swim cancelled Metalocalypse. Noooo! Oh well. At least they tour live sometimes… get Brendan to do some baby daddy RP onstage ok?

Now Brock's a bad babby daddy if I ever saw one! Lots of illegitimate kids out there, from the literal to implied. There was the whole tease with Dermott being Brock's kid. And there were fan-theories that Brock was Hank's bio-daddy since Hank is blonde and acts more like athletic Brock than nerdy Rusty. And of course, we can't forget his Greek kids with blonde mullets!

But I think more than bio-kids, the most important baby daddy aspect of Brock is his relationship to the Venture boys.

“Brock Samson is the boys' “mother””

Clock and tea, sister. It's one of those themes consistently running through these baby daddy characters, that the blood bond of a biological son-father isn't necessarily more “close” or “legitimate” than a willing father who will take care of a kid that isn't technically (legally! biologically!) his! Nothing will make me feel more like a single mom on the prowl for a packmate, like Brock Samson being a happy mom to Dean and Hank.

And nothing will make me feel more 🤨🤯 when the showrunners themselves say that Hank has crushes on people that remind him of his step-mommy Brock…

We also had the quiet background detail where Hank is clearly attracted to athletic women…Maybe it's a little creepy that she's kind of a female Brock in some ways, but I don't know. We had given Dean a crush, and Dean's got the girl-next-door crush, so Hank being a different character, we want to reinforce their differences, so he falls for this brutal, athletic woman.

I'm a bit rusty on my Wolverine memories, but I know 10000% he's a literal baby daddy to so many little mini-wolvies around the world. I just KNOW he's got some little Asian kid with Mariko. In fact he has a couple of Asian kids??? Bruh. There's at least 10 in this list of ”all of Wolverine's children explained“. He has so many illegitimate kids that they got assembled in a super team to try and kill him!!!

I don't know Daken very well, I just know that he's bi-alotta-things and can control pheromones, which sounds like an extremely gay superpower. It's extra gay that Norman Osborn (my man da Green Goblin) recruited him to be his Temu Wolverine.

Meanwhile, I LOVE X-23. I like her so much that I cosplayed her once with a leather bra and chopsticks! I liked her in the X-Men Evolution cartoon that she debuted in, it's cool to have an angry sad girl character that just can't stop killing people! It's actually kind of insane to adapt a kid's cartoon character into an underage rape/trafficking victim as soon as she's introduced in the comics, but ok.

I don't really care for every single fucking retcon in every single series ever trying to turn adopted kids into bio-babies 😡 glares at Batman Beyond vs Justice League. So don't ask me for my opinion on X-23 being retconned into a bio-baby of Wolverine's. As I've said before in this very page, I much prefer the theme of CHOOSING to raise someone you may or may not be related to. That's so much stronger of a bond to me, than being forced into bio-daddyism just cuz you fucked their mom, or every fucking show and movie trying to force closeness by doing Jerry Springer reveals. I'm like Daken and the Mongrels in that case, like literally go die Wolverine and other bad dads for being such a piece of shit dude that you keep impregnating people and not taking care of them and then moving on to impregnate younger people and not taking care of them!!! Put an adamantium claw in your skull NOW king!!! At least John Redcorn takes care of Nancy and Joseph!!!!!!!!!!

Whew. But yeah. Wolverine has a lot of baby daddy drama huh? I like the stories where he has to act as a mentor to younger folks. I like that it makes him look old and grumpy and short.

NEXT ON THE FELLA CHARM AGENDA: Native American heritage, and Sensitive Prostates!

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